Love in the Age of Covid (I dare you to love)
Today is the 36th day I have been essentially quarantined at home. Like most of the rest of the world, life during Covid-19 has changed us all. I've been posting on other platforms almost daily about my feelings about the politics of this crisis, the Heroes, the victims, the fear and the loathing. The hope and small victories.
But I haven't talked much about how unbearable the fear and anxiety have been at times, going through this alone.
My fellow travelers on the road of widowhood understand that "going it alone" is our new reality.
And for the most part I have figured out how to live a life without him.
It is by absolutely no measure the one I wanted.
The forced isolation and all of the work-arounds required for daily life got me thinking how would this be different, feel differently if he was here.
Herein is my list of how Surviving Covid with him would be different:
1. Seattle- we would still be in our big home with the lovely yard and the view of the lake. And we would be WFH side by side.
2. My internet connection would be way better because he had some magic wifi shit in our house that I cant explain.
3. There would be fresh bagels and pretzels and amazing hamburgers all made from scratch.
4. I might have been forced to start drinking beer because he would have already brewed 40 gallons of beer.
5. We would go for drive-by visits to our friends, waving, honking, dropping off beer and burgers.
6. I would be creating- he would insist I draw or paint or do something.
7. I probably would have been forced to watch all the Matrix movies again.
8. He would have hooked up his best friend with xbox so they could play Mortal Combat online and I would hear him laughing his ass off.
9. We would watch the morning news together and the daily press conferences and shake our heads in disgust and say how could this have happened.
10. He would tell me it is going to be okay, November is coming and this asshat (his favorite word for him) will be gone.
11. He wouldn't have to tell me that we will be okay, get through this crisis because it would be unspoken.
12. We would be planting gardens and mowing the lawn and he would be moaning that he can't have people over for BBQ.
13. We would be snuggling with Barley our cat
14. We would be figuring out how to deal with the month of May which is filled with birthdays, how to celebrate.
15. He would be laughing at me freaking out about my roots growing in and my nails, and remind me I used to do it all myself all those years ago when we were living with so much less.
16. He would be worried silently about my sister going to work at her hospital, and he would cover his worry with jokes to her about electrolytes.
17. He would be talking to his brothers, both of them.
18. He would tell me every morning and every evening that he loves me.
19. Then he would smack me on the ass and tell me to stop worrying it will all be fine.
20. I could breathe.