Call it a lesson learned

Do we ever really learn the lessons?

I recently began thinking that the universe took him to teach me the lessons I didn't learn when my mom died.

And that of course led me to think about what those lessons might be.

Humility.

Have I learned that things are almost never about me?

That in order to grow inside I must constantly look outside. Consider other people more, listen, really hear people.

Not a lesson I was prepared to learn at 24 when my mom died.

I am not certain I was really ready for it at 47 either, but I recognize it is on the list which is growth.

Grace.

This one I am trying to live with every day.

Really making an effort in most parts of my life to be forgiving, to accept who people are, to be a positive in people's lives.

This is not something that comes naturally to me. I have always been a "tally-er". Keeping chits of wrongs committed and things owed. It is not a part I am proud of.

Part of having grace is letting go, and when you are living fully with grace I believe nothing ever gets on the "list" so there is no need to "let it go".

Empathy

This, more than any, I have learned.

We never really know the fullness of most people in our lives.

Very few people share everything, every part, the deep the dark, the angry.

It is now easy for me to recognize this.

People make assumptions about me every day.

Do those include "Widow", not usually?

Would that change their opinion of me, of my actions-maybe?

Do they see, woman who lost her mother at age 24?

Also probably not.

Would that connect us if they knew-maybe?

As I move through the world now I definitely know so many more of us are dealing with trauma and drama big and small.

That we all need a knowing nod, a kind smile, a door held open.

I have cried in public so much in the last 2.5 years, I am now more comfortable with it than I am eating dinner alone in public. In my travels I have comforted several women crying in public. From simply handing them a tissue, to full on engaged conversations.

What it has taught me, and what I think I always knew, is that life is like a teeter-totter. High highs and low lows and we are all struggling to keep it at its level best.