Ordinary people

I am certain some people in my life will have plenty to say about this post, and that's okay. I agreed to myself and to anyone reading, especially the other grieving widows, to be honest.

I'm in a new city.

With the exception of work, I haven't done much.

Some fun meals with a friend, family lunches and dinners.

I miss my built in friend.

My companion.

My, "how was your day", "goodnight".

So I decided to see what all this dating app situation was about.

Just test the waters.

I figured one of two things would happen;

Nobody would be interested, I'd chicken out.

I signed up for what seemed like a good choice, somewhere between a swipe until you finger hurts phone based app, and the traditional 500 question online sites.

Men responded. I choked. At first.

It seems so awful to just hit "X" based on really nothing but I did it, realizing that was happening to me as well.

To say I was naïve and ill-prepared would be an understatement.

I did no research, no due-diligence.

Two very different men peaked my interest and we proceeded to chat fairly regularly over a few days.

The next part is a cautionary tale for my friends, but also for my fellow emotionally vulnerable widows.

It took me about ten days to figure out the scam each of them was running.

In those ten days, each made me feel important, cared about, hopeful.

This is painful to write.

All the self-doubt, all the fears, all the feels.

I started to get suspicious after a few small things didn't add up with bachelor number one. He claimed to be military. Claimed to be retiring this summer. Claimed a lot of things that eventually made me google search for military dating scams...

Let's just say there are pages and pages of information, including directly from the US military services.

I confronted him, wanted to believe it wasn't true, but stuck to my guns.

This interaction ended with me blocking him from my phone, but waking up to 28 emails, yes I know I gave him my email, what was I thinking?!

Again, cautionary tale, so I am sharing the "what not to do's"

During this investigative phase, bachelor number two seemed like a gem.

But after realizing the lengths a scammer would go to...literally two weeks of texts, emails and videos to scam me for a $100 iTunes card...I got suspicious of number two as well.

He was for sure more convincing.

More details.

More communication.

More photos.

But still, no digital footprint. Giant red flag ladies.

Can't find him online- he doesn't exist, period.

My spidey senses were on overdrive and so I asked the question point blank.

There was indignation, which felt hollow, and then the admission and big ask.

Unreal- engaged with 2 men, and 100% epic fail rate.

The worst part, of which there were many to count, was what these experiences made me feel about myself.

Why was I chosen?

Why was I susceptible?

Why did I want to believe in it so badly?

Why didn't any normal guys pick me?

And now a few days past all of this...

Why the fuck did I care so much?

And why aren't there any normal guys looking for normal gals on these sites?

I'm not interested in your gym selfies.

I don't think it is appropriate to show your kid's faces either, FFS.

Of course you all want slim, athletic, and toned, but the reality is that more than half of the woman over 35 are a size 12 or larger.

Just like we all would prefer someone with a job, who picks up his socks and can give a good toast.

Anyhow, so far my experiences with this technology is, it sucks.

I would still prefer to have a friend say they have a great guy they work with for me. An old friend from my school days who is no longer attached, say I always thought you were cool, let's meet for coffee.

Or like yesterday, while wearing my signed Michael Bennett Seahawks jersey in honor of day three of the draft, a random Uber driver, pulled over and said "Hey, go Hawks!", "Sorry to hear about Doug Baldwin", to which I thought, hmm maybe he has potential.