How deep is your love

He wanted to walk up the aisle to Marilyn Manson’s The Beautiful People. Once I nixed that he said pick whatever you like. I’d always loved the 70’s hit from the BeeGee’s How Deep is Your Love and ran it past him. He shrugged and said great check it off the list. I loved listening to the lyrics during our first dance and every time after that when it came on the radio I would stop and sing along. Muscle memory now takes me right back to that day when I hear it. Happy/sad.

This week I’ve been so moved by the death of Barbara Bush and the love story that was her marriage to George. It had all the highs and lows of most marriages, maybe higher highs and lower lows than some. They really seem to have been a team of equals which is remarkable given the time in which  their love story began. 

The duration of their journey is so remarkable. To love so deeply for so long and to be blessed with the longevity and health to do so. I’ve been listening wistfully to the anecdotes of hand holding and love letters, private jokes and public service.  

In 2017 two couples, that had been in my life since I was born and together before that, were separated by death.  At the time not only was I sad for the spouses, family and friends left behind but I was also a little envious of how long they had had. It was still too new for me, too close for me. I couldn’t separate my loss from theirs. 

I guess that’s some progress.

I admit that I spent time prior to his death thinking about what old age would look like for us. Without our own children I’d imagine us ingratiating ourselves in our nieces and nephews lives. I imagined maybe season football tickets, more baseball games. Porch swings, breakfasts out, barbecues at home. Some things the same other things we might finally have time for. 

I’m still heartbroken that there isn’t a longer future ahead for us. As I’ve said before I am so grateful to have had a love that lasted 25 years. And at the same time still so angry it ended before I was ready.

Small steps forward keeping the love deep in my heart.