I'm gonna take you on a trip so far from here...

So I wrote a great blog about Fiji on 2/14 Fiji time and went to upload. The connection timed out and I hadn’t saved a draft. I was so angry I couldn’t rewrite it that day.

Since then the events of 2/14 in the US, more specifically in my neck of the woods in Parkland FL have really blocked my brain. I sat down to rewrite this blog at least four times before right now and kept failing miserably.

I cannot unsee those cell phone videos nor can I unhear the angry mothers and tearful siblings.

I cannot disguise my contempt for the politicians.

I cannot bear the thought of this happening to any child, and imagining it happening to one I hold dear is terrifying.

I don’t know how mothers and fathers send their children back to become targets?

Traveling abroad has really shed light on how despicable our priorities are as a nation. It is embarrassing and humiliating to explain why we keep allowing this to happen. Why we keep putting gun ownership rights above the rights of our citizenry to life.

I am the opposite of “at a loss for words” I just cannot get them organized to put in writing.

Last night I had an anxiety attack.

It started as they usually do with a real ailment, this one a gassy stomach. The pain didn’t subside and it was high in my back. My subconscious took over and decided this was going to be a heart event. I started to sweat and palpitate.

My internal dialogue became one of fear.

“I’m here alone in a really remote island location with no phones in the rooms, no medics, no way I can walk the half mile vertical incline up to the reception area”.

“I’m going to drop dead in the middle of the night just like he did”.

“Will they find my papers I brought with me, my will, my passport, who will get the first call?”

I had the good sense to get up and take two Tums and two Aspirin just in case my subconscious was right.

I turned on an audio meditation and listened for an hour before I felt any better.

Because I am dealing with my own trauma and PTSD maybe this was bound to happen anyway on this journey. But I think the trauma of those families in Parkland penetrated by soul and I could not and cannot shake it.

So below is a much abbreviated chat about Fiji. I still have another week to go so I’m sure I will be inspired to give it its due.

Sorry, I only had one ticket to paradise and wow am I glad I used it!

So I’m in my 6th day in Fiji with 8 more to go and here is what I know so far:

Fiji is absolutely gorgeous

Fiji/ island time is a real thing

Fijian women are so beautiful of spirit I have never met warmer people anywhere

There are a shit ton of mosquitoes here

Eating, swimming, and napping constitutes a busy schedule

It is hot and really fucking humid here

Now that the observations are out of the way, here is how I ended up in Fiji.

I trusted my gut which wasn’t ready to leave the beaches and head to New Zealand.

I waffled between Fiji and Bali and decided on Fiji for no particular reason other than I did want to head to NZ and it seemed like the smarter travel plan.

I’m super happy I came here. I have spent the first week in a remote “real Fiji” experience. Imagine a tropical version of Kellermans from Dirty Dancing but I’m the only Jew.

It is super remote 2.5 hours from the Nadi airport and once you are here there isn’t anywhere to to go except out into the water.

I highly recommend the @Wananavubeachresort if you ever find yourself in Fiji.

I have met some amazing travelers from Australia and Sweden and America and the most beautiful Fijians.

I’ve sunbathed, eaten, napped and snorkeled.

I’ve been barefooted and curly haired. I haven’t watched a tv show or a movie. I’ve slept well and I’ve missed home.